Alarm is waking me up again...
Thinking that I have to go to school again, and sit beside Li Yun Shen, I suddenly feel so tired of all these. And for fuck's sake today is just the second day, and I am already so stressed with this, how am I going to go through this year?
Ok, I still have to face it. I force myself to wake up, and keep thinking that today would be better than yesterday. But how good will it be? I don't know. The best I am hoping is, I am switched to 4sc3.
After I arrive at school, I walk on the corridor, slowly... like a zombie. I don't know what is in my mind at the moment, maybe I am sleeping while walking. There are a few students on the corridor, heading to their own classes.
Suddenly, someone taps my shoulder. This time I do not turn and see who is it immediately, because yesterday when I turned I saw the fucker. So I do not want the same thing to happen now. I continue to walk, until....
"Excuse me.." a damn sweet, lovely voice is what I heard. Oh damn it, that is like.. the voice of an angel!
Then I turn to see who is this angel who wake me up from my deep sleep.
But then, I think I had better continue walking and ignore this "angelic voice". Now, my dream has become nightmare. Standing there is a girl, a damn fat and ugly girl whose eyes are squeezed by adipose until they appear as two lines. "Oh SHIT", I scream in my mind.
"You are the one who sit beside Li Yun Shen, right?" damn, because of he again my shoulder is tapped.
"Can you help me give him this? Thank you!" The fat girl gives me a letter, and then run away.
WTF! My life is spoiled since the existance of Li Yun Shen. Even a girl like that also write love letter to... I admit, the most handsome guy in the school. Heh, later if I pass this letter to our disciplinary teacher Mr Fletcher then habislah you.
But I am not so evil. Just become a pigeon and send letter only, not a difficult thing to do.
I continue my journey to my class, but just when I take my second step, someone, again, taps my shoulder. It is not that I am lack of creativity, but really, these people just like to whack my shoulder. I don't know why, but maybe my shoulder has words on it writing "hit me"?
"Excuse me..." Okay, now I don't dare to define this as an angelic voice or devil voice. What I can confirm is this is a girl's voice. Before I decide what to do, she asks..
"Can I know where are the form 1 classes?"
People nowadays... after the existance of GPS they cannot differentiate direction without it.
"There, first floor." I point at form 1 block, without even turning and looking at her.
"Thanks." She thanks me and walks pass me. At that moment, I look at her (I want to know how that direction-blur girl look like) and I got shocked of my life.
ANGEL!
"Shit!" I scream in my mind again. This time it's really shit. I don't know from where I got the gut, I run after her and call her.
"Hey, I never describe how you can get there, you know how to go there meh?"
She stops, and turns.
The girl in front of my eyes, is the angel I have been looking for since the day I was born. I am stunned. I never see any girl as pretty as her. She looks elegant, at the same time she is cute, and lively. She is just... pretty! Just like an angel in the human world.
I think I look idiot at that moment, because her expression looking at me is like someone looking at one mad fellow. But who cares? As long as I get to see an angel, I don't care how she thinks of me.
"Come I bring you to your class. What class are you in huh?"
"1A5." (This is how our school name the form 1 to 3 classes. 1A5 means the fifth class in form 1.)
"Oh, I was in that class too when I was in form 1." Whatever shit topic also I can crap just to have chance to talk with an angel.
I purposely walk very slowly, just to have more time together with her. We chat all the way, which makes me feel so damn good. Until she asks me...
"Can we walk faster?"
This is damn potong. My beating heart stops, my dream ends... In the end, I am just a tourguide, she talks to me just because I have been talking non stop and she is just replying me. When we reach her class, she smiles, and thanks me. The smile makes my heart melt... Luckily I still have a bit consciousness, and before I leave I ask her name.
"I am Huang Xiao Qian."
If you are Xiao Qian, I will be Ning Cai Chen, and then Li Yun Shen would be Black Mountain Devil. (This is from Xiao Qian, one of the stories from Liao Zhai Zhi Yi, or Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio.)
From the conversation this morning, I got to know that Xiao Qian didn't come to school yesterday. No wonder I kept hearing people discussing about there is a beauty coming to our school but never see her. And now, after i see her, I start planning how to go after her. But when I reach my class, and see the ever-smiling, forever-busy fellow, I know that whatever plans I have they would fail in the end.
But the ugly fatty gave me encouragement. If one girl like that also dare to write love letter to Li Yun Shen, then why should I scared to try?
I go to my seat, and give the letter to Li Yun Shen. Mana tau he does not even look at it, and straight use it as a fan. Good, at least I don't need to listen to him telling what is writen in the letter.
Recess time is when I get myself freed from sufferings. I will run to 4sc3 and meet up with Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming and go to the canteen together. The first topic when they see me is... the legendary beauty. It seems that they haven't seen her yet. Looks like I am much more luckier than them. Of course, I don't want to tell them what happened this morning, if not they may think that I am selfish for not bringing them to see her together.
There are already a lot of students queueing at the canteen when we reach there. And we as usual, force Lin Shi Ming to go and line up to buy food, while we wait beside the queue to take the food. This is why, when you find a friend, you not only need to find a friend who can chat with, but also a friend who can be bullied.
When we are happily eating, one person who I don't want to see come and interrupt us.
"Wow, Leehom, Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming! I can join you all or not?" Li Yun Shen says.
"Eh? It's Li Yun Shen! How come today you are so free and need to join us pulak?" Chen Yong Cheng asks.
"Oh, because I just fart there, and then all the girls go there already. So I am now free." fuck you.
Before we agree to let him join us, he already takes one chair and sit together with us. His mouth start talking again as his ass sit on the chair.
"Just now I went to form 1 there and saw the beauty. Walao eh, this girl is really really pretty and really deserved to be called the beauty of the school! I am not joking you know? I just wanted to do screening on all the newcomers, and when I walked pass her class, my eyes were locked at her. Oh myGod, she will always be my Goddess.."
After listening to him, Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming swallow their saliva, Jay Chou some more got choked and cough non stop.
"Really or not? I think you just bull shit only kot?" I try to potong him.
"Of course it's true. You know why the girls are not around me? Because they know they cannot compare themselves with the beauty, so they don't have face to surround me."
"Usually I am the one who is chased by the others. Now this is the first time I wanna go after someone. First time le, feeling so nervous.." WTF, listen to him also stressed. The trio already dreaming there, I think if this morning I never meet Xiao Qian I too would be dreaming now as well.
"Ok lah, don't want to kacau you all already. Bye bye." Good, don't ever come back.
After Li Yun Shen has gone for about 3 minutes, then only these 3 fellows come back to reality.
"Hey, did you hear that? Even he also praising the girl, surely the girl is pretty!" says Lin Shi Ming.
"Yea, he never praised any girl before." Jay Chou says.
"Come on, let us go to form 1 there and have a look, ok?" Chen Yong Cheng gives this stupid idea.
While they are discussing what to do, I have already finished my food. I think they don't need to eat already for now, and going to form 1 is kind of a sure thing. But this morning I just became a gentleman, and now I become a horny bastard? So my image built will be destroyed? But then if I don't want to go, I don't know when will I see her again.
Xiao Qian, what should I do?
Before I can decide what to do, they already stand up and heading to form 1 block. What else can I do? I follow them, and when we are approaching the form 1 block, my heart beat getting faster and faster.
Jay Chou who lead the way is already on the stairs. Just when I still don't know what to do, I suddenly think of in every movie the characters would use sunglasses to hide their face! Ok, now I am going to try to use my magic to take out a sunglasses. Come on Sifu, bless me!
And luckily, this time I succeed again, and I have my sunglasses in hand now. Because I walk at the back, they do not know something has happened. I wear the sunglasses, and follow them walk through class by class (because they still don't know which class Xiao Qian is in.)
And when they see Xiao Qian, three of them get stunned. Actually I am also stunned la. So the four of us stand at the corridor, and when we stand there for too long the teacher teaching inside feels something fishy is happening outside. So when she comes out and checks, then only we run away.
Bye, Xiao Qian...
(Form 1 to 3 have their recess earlier than us, that is why when we are having recess they are already having class.)
Recess time finally finish. Before our teacher comes intothe class, we see Mr Fletcher and the teacher teaching in 1A5 just now walk pass our class. Before I know what is happening, I see Mr Fletcher bringing Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming. Looks like in this whole new year, he has imported new weapon - handcuffs! Last time he just had his 2cm-diameter cane walking around, and now a new weapon? The trio got cuffed together, and then the teacher comes into our class and look around, then goes away.
Then I understand already what is happening. Mr Fletcher and the teacher is here to catch four of us. Luckily that time I have sunglasses to cover me, and now she didn't recognise me. Now, my friends, please don't mention my name in front of Mr Fletcher. I have been treating you guys so well, and being caught is not my fault. So please...
Due to the failure to find the 4th suspect, there is a spot check carried out by Mr Fletcher himself. Well, this is the first time in the history I see him doing this shit by himself. I know, he wants to find the student with sunglasses. But then I am not so stupid to keep the sunglasses and waiting to be caught. Even if I don't know magic, I would throw it away, or just put it into Li Yun Shen's bag. So I use magic to make it disappear. In the end, Mr Fletcher also fail to find the weapon of evidence, so he just brings my three heroic friends away. God bless you, my friends..
Li Yun Shen then asks me, "Hey Leehom, why your friends kena caught? And how you escape?"
I act like I don't know anything.
When the school finishes, usually students will go to the pondok near the gate there, either to wait for parents or bus. Last time, the scenery here would be girls surrounding Li Yun Shen. Sometimes there would be couples sitting together, sometimes sharing an ice cream. But now, there is new thing here. When Xiao Qian approaches the pondok, guys start to surround her. WTF? All also so thick face?
Although I don't go there, I can clearly see that she is afraid. I really feel like going there and chase them away.
But, the hero has come...
Li Yun Shen pushes away the girls who surround him, and then pushes away the guys surrounding Xiao Qian, and talk to her. I don't know what they are talking, but I see Xiao Qian nod her head, and then follow Li Yun Shen go out of the school. Now, besides those who are living in their own sweet world with their partner, every girls look at Xiao Qian and every guys look at Li Yun Shen fiercely. Of course, I am one of them.
Rationality tells me that going after Xiao Qian is... really damn hard.
Well, until I go back home, I still never see Jay Chou they all. I don't know what happen to them, I just hope everything is fine for them.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
2. First Day
Forgot to introduce myself. I am Wang Yi Hong, 14 years old, Aquarius. My parents call me Ah Hong, others call me Wang Li Hong (Wang Leehom) since don't know when. But I have to clear things up. My name was given by my parents, and when it was given Leehom has not made his name yet. So my name is pure original name.
I live in Tani Town, Kedah, Malaysia. And my school is SMK Ibrahim. This coming year I will be in Form 4. I am one year younger than other students because last time in Primary Year 3 I passed the PTS exam and skipped Year 4. One thing I need to mention is, in Kedah we have to go to school on Sunday and Friday is off. So our weekend isactually Friday and Saturday. But for some business which their ticket price is higher during weekends, they are putting those 3 days as weekend, so they have one more day with more profit compared to other states.
So, I am going to school 1 day earlier than many other Malaysians. When I see someone posted on forum "still 2 days holiday left.....", I see also sad. Because I only haveone day left! During the whole holiday I have been waking up late, and tomorrow I need to wake up early. WTF. I tried using my magic to bring me back to 10 days ago, but fail. Maybe my level is not high enough, or maybe this magic cannot do this. I also don't know. Because my lovely sifu also didn't tell me what are the use of this magic. Until now I only know I can use this magic to make money, collar and apple (but I have not succeeded in apple yet).
Whatever it is, tomorrow I still need to go to school. I go to bed at 10pm. This is what I call healthy lifestyle, one day must sleep 8 hours.
But rolling on the bed, I still cannot sleep. Maybe because I am too frust, or maybe I already use to sleep at 3am. I look at my watch, OMG, it is already 12am. Looks like I have been rolling for 2 hours.
Then I start to do something stupid - counting sheep.
I count until seven thousand three hundred and ninety-eight, finally I feel some sleepiness. I look at my watch... 3am.
This shows that counting sheep is useless. I feel sleepy is because it is already 3am.
(Don't think that I wear watch while sleeping. My watch is near my bed so I can see it whenever I want.)
Not like what you are expecting, I am those people who can wake up when the alarm rings. So I am not late. My mother is teaching in evening session this year, so my father fethces me to school.
When I arrive at school, it is still not too late. Maybe due to the first day of schooling, the school is a bit more merrier than normal days. Why? Because some parents of students who come to school by bus, will send their children to school by car. I don't know what is the logic behind this. Takkan the children is not their children at other days? Or takkan they do not need to work on this day?
The first thing to do after reaching school is to find my gang. Along my way I can see groups of students walking together while chatting happily. Some walking alone, don't know where they are heading. Andsome new students walking everywhere to discover this new land. After years of experience, I can make this conclusion:
When school reopens, girls gather together saying these to each other... "You have become prettier..." , "Your new hairstyle looks nice..." .......... And then the one who is praised will shyly reply, "Where got?" , "You also."... I hear also sien lah. They don't feel guilty when they are talking something against the reality?
And for guys, they will together discuss "Which girl's boobs have become bigger." , "Some girls change their hairstyle and think they are ugly duckling becoming scwhan." , "which girl has become fatter"..... Now these are what I called words listened by normal human.
So conclusion is, girls will concoles themselves, making them more beautiful with all their talkings. Guys comment based on evidence and reality. This is what I have learnt so far.
Besides that, guys usually have one more topic to talk, i.e. in this whole new year are there any nice girls coming to our school? Why girls do not have this topic in their discussion? Because girls will only lookfor older guys, so no matter how handsome or good looking the new Form 1 guys coming, they are not belong to the girls. So the girls cannot do anything, except accepting truth that they are born too early.
After so long, I still cannot find anyone from my gang. Suddenlly someone tap on my shoulder. I turn back and look, OMGWTF, it is Li Yun Shen.
This guy, I must use some time to introduce him to you all. He is by far the most annoying fellow I have ever meet in my life. He has face of an artist, and is very tall, and is our school's basketball team captain. Don't ask me why, but the girls have affinity towards guys who play basketball. So, he is my school's biggest attraction. Even girls of other races are crazy about him. Some more got guys who give him love letter before! Maybe you all will feel weird, why do I know all these things? Actualy, this is why I hate him so much. He likes to show off. Anyone who confess to him, no matter guys or girls lah, he will start announcing to people around him.
Okay, I admit I may be a little bit jealous. People like me, who never get any girl's attention, will feel like whacking him after he showing off all these things right?
Looking at his fking face, I know he wants to report something...
"Leehom, how's your holiday?"
"Good."
"I tell you, my holiday was busy like hell." Good, go to hell then. He then describe how he busy going out with different girls etc. Listen also sien. I don't know why am I so unlucky, the first person I meet in this new year is this fellow.
He then continues, " Just now along my way, there were so many girls came and greeted me. Make me thirsty only. Excuse me ya, I need to drink water first."
WTF, what shit is he talking?
"Oh yea, this year there is one really very super beautiful girl coming, have you had the news? But I haven't seen any girls who is beautiful. I am hoping for her you know?"
Oh really? But even if this news is true, what can I do when he is around? Takkan you want me to see him and the girl have fun together?
Then, two girls come and flirt with Li Yun Shen. I take this chance to run away.
Soon the assembly will begin. I go to the Form 4 queue, only to find that my gang members are here. I walk here and there alone like a stupid fellow, mana tau they are all here...
Surprisingly, they are discussing the beauty who is coming to our school this year too, but noone has seen her yet. This unrealistic and stupid boring topic is not what I want to talk about. So I just stand with them and listen.
Now I shall introduce my friends here. The closest friend I have is Zhou Ji Lun. What he experienced is almost the same like me. People call him Zhou Jie Lun (Jay Chou), although the name is given by his parents and is given before Jay Chou starts singing. So we were already close friends since we first met.
Then here is Chen Yong Cheng. What he knows is just talking crap. But for crapsters like us, listening to crap is lots of fun, so we are friends for this reason.
Another friend is Lin Shi Ming. I think his parents were reading China history when giving him this name. (In original version, the name is same like the name of the founder of Tang Dynasty.) He is a very good person. A very good person means, very good to bully. So as time goes by, we bully him until he becomes one of the gang.
Other friends... I will introduce them if they ever invade my life.
Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming are blindly discussing how to chase this beauty. Jay Chou asks me, "Leehom, do you have any idea?"
"If she really so beautiful ah, she sure got someone to pick up her already lah." I reply, with full rational.
"Cheh, just talk for fun only ma, why so serious?" said Chen Yong Cheng.
"Yea lah, if someone has got her, I will spanar them." said Jay Chou.
After some craps, finally the assembly begins. Everytime the assembly is like this, say only start at 7.20 am but the principal will only come at 7.40 am. Waiting there is suck a frust. But everytime during assembly, the principal would be talking on the stage, and we would be talking among ourselves with all the stupid topics. Sometimes I wonder why I have so many things to talk.
It is getting hotter as the sun rises. Some students start to faint. Pity them. The girls cover their faces with their handkerchieves. But I wonder, is it only their face will turn dark and their hands their legs all will stay fair? Funny ya. We guys are much more clever compared to them. Small sized people will hide in the shadows of the tall fellows. So, big trees such as Li Yun Shen, who stood at 6 ft 3, can protect a lot of small trees. But the principal who stand in shade will never know our sufferings, and keeps on talking like nobody's business.
Finally the assembly finish. Students of different form will have to go to different place to gather, and the form teacher will assign us to our class. This is a crucial time because if suddenly I am seperated from my gang, then this year would be... hell of a year.
Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming get 4sc3, while I get 4sc1. I don't know I should feel proud or sad, because this class is the so-called first class of our form. But then when Li Yun Shen is also in this class, it is clear that I should feel sad.
(4sc1 , 4sc3 means 4 Science 1,3 , this is how our form 4 classes are called.)
One sad part of my life now is, the form 4 classes are at the last floor of the furthest block in our school (3rd floor if ground floor is counted as G and not 1). Due to excessive sadness, plus I am not any form of athlete, when I reach 3rd floor I am already half dead. And to make things worse, everyone has already reached the class and chosen their seats, so there is only one seat left, that is beside Li Yun Shen. Why the seat beside him is empty? Simply because girls and guys cannot sit together, and at least from my observation, there is no gayism in this class.
Okay, fuck all these shits. I sit down at my place, while others are busy cleaning their own place (the world is cruel, people only care for their own), I sit at my place doing nothing.
Then only I remember I should have used magic to change my class on the namelist just now!
After that, I just have to put my hand into my bag, and then use my magic to produce table cover, and whatever I want to decorate my table, until I feel that it is a bit too much.
After that, our class teacher (sorry I don't know his name) finally comes and gives us our timetable and all the shits. When he sees my table, he tells others that they should make me as role model and start decorating their tables as well... Err, what? I also have chance to get the limelight! The fellow sitting beside me looks like he is not too happy. I think this is the first time he is not the centre of attention. But who cares? You can't be the main character always, right? So just fuck it.
In the end he never talk to me the whole day.
Since today is the first day, so we don't have any class. The whole day is just about introducing ourselves and electing our class monitor. Due to huge fanbase, Li Yun Shen becomes our class monitor. Why? Because all the girls in our class voted him, so he already gets half of the whole class' support. Other nominated students totally cannot compete with him.
After the election, he cockfully thanks the teacher and those who voted him, and says that he will prove to those who didn't vote him that we just did something wrong.
Just from what you say, I believe that not voting for you is the correct choice.
Since we have no class and our class is too far away which makes the teachers lazy to come, our class has no teacher after that. I really want to run away from this stupid cocky shit. Girls from our class, and some from other classes, and some from other forms, surround him and start flirting with him. He still can survive lah, with his height he can still breath properly although being surrounded by so many people. But poor me, I nearly faint inside.
But then, I have some benefit too.
Because when the girls come, and I am sitting at my place, the part that form horizontal line with my eyes is the part that most men enjoy looking at. So while they are enjoying themselves, I have something else to enjoy too.
That is why I stay at my place that time.
I live in Tani Town, Kedah, Malaysia. And my school is SMK Ibrahim. This coming year I will be in Form 4. I am one year younger than other students because last time in Primary Year 3 I passed the PTS exam and skipped Year 4. One thing I need to mention is, in Kedah we have to go to school on Sunday and Friday is off. So our weekend isactually Friday and Saturday. But for some business which their ticket price is higher during weekends, they are putting those 3 days as weekend, so they have one more day with more profit compared to other states.
So, I am going to school 1 day earlier than many other Malaysians. When I see someone posted on forum "still 2 days holiday left.....", I see also sad. Because I only haveone day left! During the whole holiday I have been waking up late, and tomorrow I need to wake up early. WTF. I tried using my magic to bring me back to 10 days ago, but fail. Maybe my level is not high enough, or maybe this magic cannot do this. I also don't know. Because my lovely sifu also didn't tell me what are the use of this magic. Until now I only know I can use this magic to make money, collar and apple (but I have not succeeded in apple yet).
Whatever it is, tomorrow I still need to go to school. I go to bed at 10pm. This is what I call healthy lifestyle, one day must sleep 8 hours.
But rolling on the bed, I still cannot sleep. Maybe because I am too frust, or maybe I already use to sleep at 3am. I look at my watch, OMG, it is already 12am. Looks like I have been rolling for 2 hours.
Then I start to do something stupid - counting sheep.
I count until seven thousand three hundred and ninety-eight, finally I feel some sleepiness. I look at my watch... 3am.
This shows that counting sheep is useless. I feel sleepy is because it is already 3am.
(Don't think that I wear watch while sleeping. My watch is near my bed so I can see it whenever I want.)
Not like what you are expecting, I am those people who can wake up when the alarm rings. So I am not late. My mother is teaching in evening session this year, so my father fethces me to school.
When I arrive at school, it is still not too late. Maybe due to the first day of schooling, the school is a bit more merrier than normal days. Why? Because some parents of students who come to school by bus, will send their children to school by car. I don't know what is the logic behind this. Takkan the children is not their children at other days? Or takkan they do not need to work on this day?
The first thing to do after reaching school is to find my gang. Along my way I can see groups of students walking together while chatting happily. Some walking alone, don't know where they are heading. Andsome new students walking everywhere to discover this new land. After years of experience, I can make this conclusion:
When school reopens, girls gather together saying these to each other... "You have become prettier..." , "Your new hairstyle looks nice..." .......... And then the one who is praised will shyly reply, "Where got?" , "You also."... I hear also sien lah. They don't feel guilty when they are talking something against the reality?
And for guys, they will together discuss "Which girl's boobs have become bigger." , "Some girls change their hairstyle and think they are ugly duckling becoming scwhan." , "which girl has become fatter"..... Now these are what I called words listened by normal human.
So conclusion is, girls will concoles themselves, making them more beautiful with all their talkings. Guys comment based on evidence and reality. This is what I have learnt so far.
Besides that, guys usually have one more topic to talk, i.e. in this whole new year are there any nice girls coming to our school? Why girls do not have this topic in their discussion? Because girls will only lookfor older guys, so no matter how handsome or good looking the new Form 1 guys coming, they are not belong to the girls. So the girls cannot do anything, except accepting truth that they are born too early.
After so long, I still cannot find anyone from my gang. Suddenlly someone tap on my shoulder. I turn back and look, OMGWTF, it is Li Yun Shen.
This guy, I must use some time to introduce him to you all. He is by far the most annoying fellow I have ever meet in my life. He has face of an artist, and is very tall, and is our school's basketball team captain. Don't ask me why, but the girls have affinity towards guys who play basketball. So, he is my school's biggest attraction. Even girls of other races are crazy about him. Some more got guys who give him love letter before! Maybe you all will feel weird, why do I know all these things? Actualy, this is why I hate him so much. He likes to show off. Anyone who confess to him, no matter guys or girls lah, he will start announcing to people around him.
Okay, I admit I may be a little bit jealous. People like me, who never get any girl's attention, will feel like whacking him after he showing off all these things right?
Looking at his fking face, I know he wants to report something...
"Leehom, how's your holiday?"
"Good."
"I tell you, my holiday was busy like hell." Good, go to hell then. He then describe how he busy going out with different girls etc. Listen also sien. I don't know why am I so unlucky, the first person I meet in this new year is this fellow.
He then continues, " Just now along my way, there were so many girls came and greeted me. Make me thirsty only. Excuse me ya, I need to drink water first."
WTF, what shit is he talking?
"Oh yea, this year there is one really very super beautiful girl coming, have you had the news? But I haven't seen any girls who is beautiful. I am hoping for her you know?"
Oh really? But even if this news is true, what can I do when he is around? Takkan you want me to see him and the girl have fun together?
Then, two girls come and flirt with Li Yun Shen. I take this chance to run away.
Soon the assembly will begin. I go to the Form 4 queue, only to find that my gang members are here. I walk here and there alone like a stupid fellow, mana tau they are all here...
Surprisingly, they are discussing the beauty who is coming to our school this year too, but noone has seen her yet. This unrealistic and stupid boring topic is not what I want to talk about. So I just stand with them and listen.
Now I shall introduce my friends here. The closest friend I have is Zhou Ji Lun. What he experienced is almost the same like me. People call him Zhou Jie Lun (Jay Chou), although the name is given by his parents and is given before Jay Chou starts singing. So we were already close friends since we first met.
Then here is Chen Yong Cheng. What he knows is just talking crap. But for crapsters like us, listening to crap is lots of fun, so we are friends for this reason.
Another friend is Lin Shi Ming. I think his parents were reading China history when giving him this name. (In original version, the name is same like the name of the founder of Tang Dynasty.) He is a very good person. A very good person means, very good to bully. So as time goes by, we bully him until he becomes one of the gang.
Other friends... I will introduce them if they ever invade my life.
Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming are blindly discussing how to chase this beauty. Jay Chou asks me, "Leehom, do you have any idea?"
"If she really so beautiful ah, she sure got someone to pick up her already lah." I reply, with full rational.
"Cheh, just talk for fun only ma, why so serious?" said Chen Yong Cheng.
"Yea lah, if someone has got her, I will spanar them." said Jay Chou.
After some craps, finally the assembly begins. Everytime the assembly is like this, say only start at 7.20 am but the principal will only come at 7.40 am. Waiting there is suck a frust. But everytime during assembly, the principal would be talking on the stage, and we would be talking among ourselves with all the stupid topics. Sometimes I wonder why I have so many things to talk.
It is getting hotter as the sun rises. Some students start to faint. Pity them. The girls cover their faces with their handkerchieves. But I wonder, is it only their face will turn dark and their hands their legs all will stay fair? Funny ya. We guys are much more clever compared to them. Small sized people will hide in the shadows of the tall fellows. So, big trees such as Li Yun Shen, who stood at 6 ft 3, can protect a lot of small trees. But the principal who stand in shade will never know our sufferings, and keeps on talking like nobody's business.
Finally the assembly finish. Students of different form will have to go to different place to gather, and the form teacher will assign us to our class. This is a crucial time because if suddenly I am seperated from my gang, then this year would be... hell of a year.
Jay Chou, Chen Yong Cheng and Lin Shi Ming get 4sc3, while I get 4sc1. I don't know I should feel proud or sad, because this class is the so-called first class of our form. But then when Li Yun Shen is also in this class, it is clear that I should feel sad.
(4sc1 , 4sc3 means 4 Science 1,3 , this is how our form 4 classes are called.)
One sad part of my life now is, the form 4 classes are at the last floor of the furthest block in our school (3rd floor if ground floor is counted as G and not 1). Due to excessive sadness, plus I am not any form of athlete, when I reach 3rd floor I am already half dead. And to make things worse, everyone has already reached the class and chosen their seats, so there is only one seat left, that is beside Li Yun Shen. Why the seat beside him is empty? Simply because girls and guys cannot sit together, and at least from my observation, there is no gayism in this class.
Okay, fuck all these shits. I sit down at my place, while others are busy cleaning their own place (the world is cruel, people only care for their own), I sit at my place doing nothing.
Then only I remember I should have used magic to change my class on the namelist just now!
After that, I just have to put my hand into my bag, and then use my magic to produce table cover, and whatever I want to decorate my table, until I feel that it is a bit too much.
After that, our class teacher (sorry I don't know his name) finally comes and gives us our timetable and all the shits. When he sees my table, he tells others that they should make me as role model and start decorating their tables as well... Err, what? I also have chance to get the limelight! The fellow sitting beside me looks like he is not too happy. I think this is the first time he is not the centre of attention. But who cares? You can't be the main character always, right? So just fuck it.
In the end he never talk to me the whole day.
Since today is the first day, so we don't have any class. The whole day is just about introducing ourselves and electing our class monitor. Due to huge fanbase, Li Yun Shen becomes our class monitor. Why? Because all the girls in our class voted him, so he already gets half of the whole class' support. Other nominated students totally cannot compete with him.
After the election, he cockfully thanks the teacher and those who voted him, and says that he will prove to those who didn't vote him that we just did something wrong.
Just from what you say, I believe that not voting for you is the correct choice.
Since we have no class and our class is too far away which makes the teachers lazy to come, our class has no teacher after that. I really want to run away from this stupid cocky shit. Girls from our class, and some from other classes, and some from other forms, surround him and start flirting with him. He still can survive lah, with his height he can still breath properly although being surrounded by so many people. But poor me, I nearly faint inside.
But then, I have some benefit too.
Because when the girls come, and I am sitting at my place, the part that form horizontal line with my eyes is the part that most men enjoy looking at. So while they are enjoying themselves, I have something else to enjoy too.
That is why I stay at my place that time.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
1. Guru
I am just like any secondary school students out there, with all the damned dreams and hopes and ambitions, but never work hard for them; with great imaginations, only to realise that I am living in a boring world. Carrying the heavy bag to school everyday, just to think when it is time to go home? Will teachers give homeworks? And will I get punished for any stupid reasons?
One month before the school reopens, something extraordinary occurs, which changes my life...
I think I'd better introduce my family first. My father is doing his own business, but then I don't know what kind of business is he doing lah. What I know is that he will be busy from the morning and only be at home in the evening. My mother is a primary school teacher. My primary school is the one where she is teaching, so whatever shits I did there will went to her ears eventually. In the end, when I had finally became a real good boy, I entered secondary school. I have an elder brother, I call him Da Ge (Big Bro). When I was studying in Form 3, he went to university. Since then, my family has been a lot more quiet due to the absence of quarreling between two of us, followed by mother's scolding, and maybe followed by caning sound. Okay, so why a good boy like me still quarrel at home? Because sometimes for some little minor things, we would start fighting. For example, he used my plate when having meal; after meal who supposed to wash the dishes; or who was going to switch off the light during bed time. In school the condition is different, because noone dare to fight with me, as my mother is the disciplinary teacher.
The year-end holiday still has one month left, and after that I am going to be in Form 4. This holiday is different from the past years, because this year I had PMR exam, so during this holiday I do not have any homework. So everyday I spend my time in front of my computer surfing internet. Sometimes my mother would ask me to do some house chores. But what I do is just simply finish the job and then continue my time with my computer. Since she also holiday, she would just scold me and then redo the house chores if I done them not too perfectly.
So duringthis holiday, I have read a lot of news ranging from gossips, unexplainable things, and dirty jokes. Since I still don't have driving license, it is hard for me to hang out with friends. But one fine day, mother suddenly bring me to go out. Along the way she keeps complaining that I am lazy and whatsoever shits, while other people's children can help the parents do house chores......
I don't know where my mother has brought me to. It is a residential area, with a lot of terrace houses. Then I start thinking, she wants to visit her friend also need to bring me along? Won't be so stupid right? Or is she coming to find a girl for me? Or she is bringing me to see my real father while the father living with us is not my real father? I think my life is not so... dramatic.
Inside the house is quite dark, look like this place is not a place for holy people like me. Don't know why my mother bring me to this place.
"Mother, why are we here?"
"Diam lah, you just have to sit quietly."
After one minute and twenty-three seconds, a white-hair red-face old man came out. When mother sees him, she greets him cheerfully, "Hey Guru I am the one who called you yesterday for fortune telling." Now only I know, the reason why we are here is to get this stupid fortune telling thing.
Mother follows him into a room. After not too long only she comes out, but her expression tells me that she just had something bad. I think the fortune teller just told her some bad news. I never know that my mother does believe in all these things. Nowadays there are many cheaters who act as fortune teller or bomoh or whatever job, and I think this old man is one of them.
Then mother asks me to go in. Fine, I don't want to argue. I go in there, the old man is sitting behind a big red table and he asks me to sit in front of him. And then, he stares at me for damn long, and he is like kind of enjoying it. I start to worry if he is gay and phaedophile. I get my fists ready, if he starts anything weird then I will give him some punches.
But I was wrong.
After don't know how long he looking at me, he suddenly asks me, softly, whether can help him or not. Looking at his age, I think if I decline then maybe he will get too frust and get stroke and die, then I will be a murderer and my future is gone. So I agree to help him.
Mana tau he suddenly jumps happily, which makes me shocked and learn that old man can still do something exceeding movement limits. He says, "I want you to become my apprentice."
"Uncle, I thought I am here for fortune telling?" I think he got crazy already.
He smiles and says, "I find out that you are talented, so I want you to be my apprentice."
Faint. Since when I am talented?
Before I can do anything, he grabs both my hands, and then I can feel warmth flowing into my veins. I try to take my hands away but fail to do so because he grabs me very tightly. As time goes by, I feel my head getting heavier and dizzier, like a lot of things have just stuffed into my head. Finally he lets go my hands.
"Okay, now, my student, I have passed you my strongest skill."
I don't know what the hell is happening. What I know is I am very dizzy.
"Now, try to close your eyes, and whatever you have in your mind will appear in reality. Try it!"
What? Nah I don't care. Now I just know that I am really very dizzy, so what I have in my mind, is to eliminate this dizziness.
Then, just really suddenly, the dizziness is gone. I don't know this is just coincidence, or this is really working.
"Now you see, my apprentice. I want to have... an apple." and then... An apple just appears from nowhere in his hand. What is that? Is it magic?
Then he asks me to try. Okay then. I think I want to have... RM50 notes.
Suddenly I feel like something is in my hand. OMG, there is really a RM50 notes in my hand!
The old man... maybe I shall call him Sifu, then says, "See, you just succeeded. But remember, this skill will slowly increase its level as you practise it. At first you can only get some small things, but as the level gets higher, you can get more things from whatever you thinking."
Waa, feel like playing some online game where I need to level up ya?
He then sigh, and says, "Last time when your Grand Sifu taught me this, I used about 3 years and 5 months to learn just the basic. I then trained very hard, and until today only I have mastered it well. But then I am already old, it has not much use to me already. Luckily I meet you today, and also luckily my level is high enough to pass the skill to you straight. So now I do not need to worry that it will disappear someday..."
Oh, you needed your whole life to learn this thing, and I just used 5 minutes to learn this? Wow, I think I am really talented like what you said.
"So now, do you have any question?"
"Sifu, about my future..." I still remember I am here for fortune telling.
Mana tau he laughs at me "You just master what I taught you, then your future is in your hands. Do I still need to tell you anything about your future?"
Okay, understood.
Back at home, I stay inside my room practising this "skill" I learnt. It is hard to believe, that I can make things that appear in my imagination comes to reality. I just imagine a RM50 notes, and then it will appear in my hand! Am I dreaming? But as I keep trying and trying, the notes get more and more, until they are enough to make a blanket. Hey, if I continue doing this I would be a millionaire! I then change my target. I imagine a Body Glove T-shirt I wanted to buy few months ago. But then what comes out in my hand is just... the collar.
Then I think, maybe my level is still low, so I fail to make the shirt come to reality?
As time goes by, only I realise that I have learnt something really useful. For me it is like magic, so I would just call it magic from now onwards. Just like when PMR results come out, my results is ..... like shit. Then I use this magic, to change my results to 8 A. My teachers and friends are shocked to see this. While my mother... Well, she is just too happy until she cannot even stop smiling. And she says, the fortune teller was very accurate.
Then I wonder, if my sifu told her this good news, why she looked like she just received bad news?
But then, only I know the secret lies behind this. It is me who change my future. My life has its new episode starting from now...
ps: I think the translation is bad, cant really bring out the meaning and the jokes. sorry.
One month before the school reopens, something extraordinary occurs, which changes my life...
I think I'd better introduce my family first. My father is doing his own business, but then I don't know what kind of business is he doing lah. What I know is that he will be busy from the morning and only be at home in the evening. My mother is a primary school teacher. My primary school is the one where she is teaching, so whatever shits I did there will went to her ears eventually. In the end, when I had finally became a real good boy, I entered secondary school. I have an elder brother, I call him Da Ge (Big Bro). When I was studying in Form 3, he went to university. Since then, my family has been a lot more quiet due to the absence of quarreling between two of us, followed by mother's scolding, and maybe followed by caning sound. Okay, so why a good boy like me still quarrel at home? Because sometimes for some little minor things, we would start fighting. For example, he used my plate when having meal; after meal who supposed to wash the dishes; or who was going to switch off the light during bed time. In school the condition is different, because noone dare to fight with me, as my mother is the disciplinary teacher.
The year-end holiday still has one month left, and after that I am going to be in Form 4. This holiday is different from the past years, because this year I had PMR exam, so during this holiday I do not have any homework. So everyday I spend my time in front of my computer surfing internet. Sometimes my mother would ask me to do some house chores. But what I do is just simply finish the job and then continue my time with my computer. Since she also holiday, she would just scold me and then redo the house chores if I done them not too perfectly.
So duringthis holiday, I have read a lot of news ranging from gossips, unexplainable things, and dirty jokes. Since I still don't have driving license, it is hard for me to hang out with friends. But one fine day, mother suddenly bring me to go out. Along the way she keeps complaining that I am lazy and whatsoever shits, while other people's children can help the parents do house chores......
I don't know where my mother has brought me to. It is a residential area, with a lot of terrace houses. Then I start thinking, she wants to visit her friend also need to bring me along? Won't be so stupid right? Or is she coming to find a girl for me? Or she is bringing me to see my real father while the father living with us is not my real father? I think my life is not so... dramatic.
Inside the house is quite dark, look like this place is not a place for holy people like me. Don't know why my mother bring me to this place.
"Mother, why are we here?"
"Diam lah, you just have to sit quietly."
After one minute and twenty-three seconds, a white-hair red-face old man came out. When mother sees him, she greets him cheerfully, "Hey Guru I am the one who called you yesterday for fortune telling." Now only I know, the reason why we are here is to get this stupid fortune telling thing.
Mother follows him into a room. After not too long only she comes out, but her expression tells me that she just had something bad. I think the fortune teller just told her some bad news. I never know that my mother does believe in all these things. Nowadays there are many cheaters who act as fortune teller or bomoh or whatever job, and I think this old man is one of them.
Then mother asks me to go in. Fine, I don't want to argue. I go in there, the old man is sitting behind a big red table and he asks me to sit in front of him. And then, he stares at me for damn long, and he is like kind of enjoying it. I start to worry if he is gay and phaedophile. I get my fists ready, if he starts anything weird then I will give him some punches.
But I was wrong.
After don't know how long he looking at me, he suddenly asks me, softly, whether can help him or not. Looking at his age, I think if I decline then maybe he will get too frust and get stroke and die, then I will be a murderer and my future is gone. So I agree to help him.
Mana tau he suddenly jumps happily, which makes me shocked and learn that old man can still do something exceeding movement limits. He says, "I want you to become my apprentice."
"Uncle, I thought I am here for fortune telling?" I think he got crazy already.
He smiles and says, "I find out that you are talented, so I want you to be my apprentice."
Faint. Since when I am talented?
Before I can do anything, he grabs both my hands, and then I can feel warmth flowing into my veins. I try to take my hands away but fail to do so because he grabs me very tightly. As time goes by, I feel my head getting heavier and dizzier, like a lot of things have just stuffed into my head. Finally he lets go my hands.
"Okay, now, my student, I have passed you my strongest skill."
I don't know what the hell is happening. What I know is I am very dizzy.
"Now, try to close your eyes, and whatever you have in your mind will appear in reality. Try it!"
What? Nah I don't care. Now I just know that I am really very dizzy, so what I have in my mind, is to eliminate this dizziness.
Then, just really suddenly, the dizziness is gone. I don't know this is just coincidence, or this is really working.
"Now you see, my apprentice. I want to have... an apple." and then... An apple just appears from nowhere in his hand. What is that? Is it magic?
Then he asks me to try. Okay then. I think I want to have... RM50 notes.
Suddenly I feel like something is in my hand. OMG, there is really a RM50 notes in my hand!
The old man... maybe I shall call him Sifu, then says, "See, you just succeeded. But remember, this skill will slowly increase its level as you practise it. At first you can only get some small things, but as the level gets higher, you can get more things from whatever you thinking."
Waa, feel like playing some online game where I need to level up ya?
He then sigh, and says, "Last time when your Grand Sifu taught me this, I used about 3 years and 5 months to learn just the basic. I then trained very hard, and until today only I have mastered it well. But then I am already old, it has not much use to me already. Luckily I meet you today, and also luckily my level is high enough to pass the skill to you straight. So now I do not need to worry that it will disappear someday..."
Oh, you needed your whole life to learn this thing, and I just used 5 minutes to learn this? Wow, I think I am really talented like what you said.
"So now, do you have any question?"
"Sifu, about my future..." I still remember I am here for fortune telling.
Mana tau he laughs at me "You just master what I taught you, then your future is in your hands. Do I still need to tell you anything about your future?"
Okay, understood.
Back at home, I stay inside my room practising this "skill" I learnt. It is hard to believe, that I can make things that appear in my imagination comes to reality. I just imagine a RM50 notes, and then it will appear in my hand! Am I dreaming? But as I keep trying and trying, the notes get more and more, until they are enough to make a blanket. Hey, if I continue doing this I would be a millionaire! I then change my target. I imagine a Body Glove T-shirt I wanted to buy few months ago. But then what comes out in my hand is just... the collar.
Then I think, maybe my level is still low, so I fail to make the shirt come to reality?
As time goes by, only I realise that I have learnt something really useful. For me it is like magic, so I would just call it magic from now onwards. Just like when PMR results come out, my results is ..... like shit. Then I use this magic, to change my results to 8 A. My teachers and friends are shocked to see this. While my mother... Well, she is just too happy until she cannot even stop smiling. And she says, the fortune teller was very accurate.
Then I wonder, if my sifu told her this good news, why she looked like she just received bad news?
But then, only I know the secret lies behind this. It is me who change my future. My life has its new episode starting from now...
ps: I think the translation is bad, cant really bring out the meaning and the jokes. sorry.
Intro
(THIS IS THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF MY NOVEL FROM MY BLOG HERE)
I said that this time I am going to use a different style to write this novel.
So far, my novels have been writen in a "correct Mandarin" way, i.e. the sentences are like those from text books.
This time, what I want to write is the Malaysian-Chinese style, which may contain some other languages and some words commonly used by Malaysians.
For example: diam = shut up.
Currently I name this novel as...
My Upper Secondary School Life
(But then, I want to tell something first. A lot of jokes can only be understood in Chinese. I will try my best to bring the same feel here.)
I said that this time I am going to use a different style to write this novel.
So far, my novels have been writen in a "correct Mandarin" way, i.e. the sentences are like those from text books.
This time, what I want to write is the Malaysian-Chinese style, which may contain some other languages and some words commonly used by Malaysians.
For example: diam = shut up.
Currently I name this novel as...
My Upper Secondary School Life
(But then, I want to tell something first. A lot of jokes can only be understood in Chinese. I will try my best to bring the same feel here.)
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